I realised today I'm an awful blogger and that this should be my best place just to lay everything on the lines.
But I haven't used it well from this point on I will.
Where to start it been two months and so much has happened.
My and the BF have broken up but were just really good friends.
I'm a few days away from the next hospital visit
and yet again all hell has broken lose in the house.
For me the hardest to deal with is just wanting to be loved From somebody, anybody.
I want a hug and to be held.... Most of all I want my most amazing BF back, 'they say you don't know what you have till you lose it' well that is so true, I had the most amazing thing in the world and I lost him, my man, my friend, my rock.... And I would do anything to have him back. Every moment with him is like the most amazing moment, filled with all the pain of knowing I can't hold his hand and give him a kiss, or truly express to him just how much I love him.
Harder still is I feel like a burden to my family as they have to know deal with me with no real rest bite. I just wanna escape my own head as it is my worst enemy, it makes me feel so
Knelt and scared and frightened.
I'm scared that I'm gonna lose him forever to someone else, and he is gonna forget about me, he is my first true love and I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Watch him run around after our children and curl up underneath the stars forever. I know I'm sad and holding on but right now I feel like I have no other way to hold onto reality.
Right that's enough for today... I'll be back later or I will try my hardest
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